Might As Well Read online

  “Dean Budnick really and truly listened at Grateful Dead concerts, not only to the band but also to the audience. Here his ear records the dialogues/internal monologues of a clutch of Deadheads and it’s all so recognizable, so true: the language, the Dead Trivia games, the prep school rituals, the obsessions with and from being high. It all adds up to a brilliantly articulated, beautifully delineated portrait. Read Might As Well and you’ll have been there.”

  —Dennis McNally, Grateful Dead publicist and

  author of A Long Strange Trip

  “If anyone is qualified to teleport back in time to bring a reader to a Grateful Dead show in the eighties, it’s Dean Budnick. Dean grew up going to those shows and has been a fixture in the music scene that the Dead birthed for the past thirty years. Dean has the creativity and experience to capture the scene the way it actually was, the way it looked, the way it sounded.”

  —Peter Shapiro, producer, Fare Thee Well Celebrating 50 Years of the Grateful Dead, owner, Brooklyn Bowl franchise, The Capitol Theatre

  “I want to say this was a long, strange book but it's such a fun, quick read it doesn't feel long at all. But it is strange. Good strange.”

  —Donick Cary, writer/producer,

  The Simpsons, Parks and Recreation, and Silicon Valley

  “With an adventurous mind and a keen ear, Budnick has established himself as a top chronicler of improvisatory rock and jam bands.”

  —Derek Trucks, Tedeschi Trucks Band

  “A superb literary evocation of a seminal band and scene. Budnick brings a scholar’s insight and an artist’s touch to this colorful, compelling, and largely misunderstood wellspring of American culture.”

  —Nicholas Meriwether,

  founding Grateful Dead Archivist, UC Santa Cruz, and

  series editor, Studies in the Grateful Dead, University of California Press

  This is a Genuine Rare Bird Book

  A Rare Bird Book | Rare Bird Books

  453 South Spring Street, Suite 302

  Los Angeles, CA 90013

  rarebirdbooks.com

  Copyright © 2016 by Dean Budnick

  FIRST TRADE PAPERBACK ORIGINAL EDITION

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever, including but not limited to print, audio, and electronic. For more information, address:

  A Rare Bird Book | Rare Bird Books Subsidiary Rights Department,

  453 South Spring Street, Suite 302, Los Angeles, CA 90013.

  Set in Minion

  Design by Robert Schlofferman

  ePub ISBN: 978-1-942600-88-6

  Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data

  Names: Budnick, Dean.

  Title: Might as well / by Dean Budnick.

  Description: A Rare Bird Book| First Trade Paperback Original Edition | Los Angeles [California], New York [New York] : Rare Bird Books, 2016.

  Identifiers: ISBN 978-1-942600-76-3

  Subjects: LCSH Grateful Dead (Musical group)—Fiction. | Deadheads (Music fans)—Fiction. | Concerts—Fiction. | Rock music—Fiction. | Murder—Fiction. | BISAC FICTION / General.

  Classification: LCC PS3602.U336 M54 2016 | DDC 813.6—dc23

  Contents

  ZEB

  BAGEL BOB

  STEVEN

  ROBIN

  TAPER TED

  STELLA BLUE

  RANDY

  ZEB

  STEVEN

  TAPER TED

  ROBIN

  RANDY

  STEVEN

  ZEB

  ROBIN

  TAPER TED

  STELLA BLUE

  STEVEN

  RANDY

  ZEB

  BAGEL BOB

  STEVEN

  ROBIN

  RANDY

  STELLA BLUE

  ZEB

  TAPER TED

  ROBIN

  STEVEN

  RANDY

  ZEB

  STEVEN

  STELLA BLUE

  TAPER TED

  ZEB

  ROBIN

  BAGEL BOB

  STEVEN

  RANDY

  STELLA BLUE

  TAPER TED

  ZEB

  BAGEL BOB

  STELLA BLUE

  TAPER TED

  STEVEN

  ROBIN

  RANDY

  STEVEN

  BAGEL BOB

  TAPER TED

  STELLA BLUE

  RANDY

  STEVEN

  ZEB

  TAPER TED

  BAGEL BOB

  ROBIN

  ZEB

  STELLA BLUE

  STEVEN

  RANDY

  BAGEL BOB

  STEVEN

  ZEB

  RANDY

  STELLA BLUE

  ROBIN

  ZEB

  STEVEN

  TAPER TED

  ZEB

  BAGEL BOB

  STELLA BLUE

  RANDY

  STEVEN

  ROBIN

  TAPER TED

  BAGEL BOB

  STEVEN

  STELLA BLUE

  ZEB

  ROBIN

  RANDY

  TAPER TED

  STEVEN

  BAGEL BOB

  ZEB

  ROBIN

  STEVEN

  STELLA BLUE

  RANDY

  TAPER TED

  ROBIN

  ZEB

  STELLA BLUE

  BAGEL BOB

  TAPER TED

  STEVEN

  STELLA BLUE

  RANDY

  ZEB

  BAGEL BOB

  STEVEN

  ROBIN

  RANDY

  STELLA BLUE

  TAPER TED

  BAGEL BOB

  ROBIN

  STELLA BLUE

  ZEB

  STEVEN

  TAPER TED

  BAGEL BOB

  ZEB

  ROBIN

  STEVEN

  STELLA BLUE

  RANDY

  STEVEN

  TAPER TED

  STELLA BLUE

  ROBIN

  BAGEL BOB

  STEVEN

  RANDY

  ZEB

  STELLA BLUE

  BAGEL BOB

  ZEB

  ROBIN

  RANDY

  STEVEN

  RANDY

  ZEB

  TAPER TED

  STELLA BLUE

  ROBIN

  BAGEL BOB

  TAPER TED

  ZEB

  STELLA BLUE

  ROBIN

  RANDY

  TAPER TED

  ZEB

  ROBIN

  BAGEL BOB

  TAPER TED

  STELLA BLUE

  RANDY

  STEVEN

  ZEB

  Acknowledgments

  ZEB

  I NEED A MIRACLE

  That’s what my sign says. And it’s true because I’m

  JONESING FOR JERRY.

  That’s what my sign said yesterday. And if I don’t get in tonight then tomorrow I’ll ask everyone to

  PHIL MY HART WITH JOY.

  Ph
il’s the bassist. Crazy, crazy bassist. He plays the thing like he’s playing lead. He stands by himself in the corner and sounds the thunder like he’s the mighty Thor himself. The mighty Thor with glasses and a demon grin. Right on!

  Hart’s one of the drummers. Mickey Hart. They have two. Mickey and Billy. But names don’t matter, what matters is the DRUMZ. And when those Rhythm Devils get going in their part of the show better warn your bones because they’re gonna be shaking.

  “Kind beers. Get your kind beers here. Ice cold domestics a buck, imports for two. Kind Bud-weiser, kind Beck’s. Come on over and treat yourselves with kindness. Domestics a buck, imports a deuce… That’s four dollars. Thank you very much, have a good show.”

  Gotta do this. Stand in front of the cooler holding my sign and throwing my pitch. It’s crazy but it’s the only way to stay on tour. When you never have the bread to mail order, this is the way to do it, day by day. Take ’em one at a time. And today

  I NEED A MIRACLE.

  BAGEL BOB

  “Who’s got your bagel? Who’s got your bagel? Bob does, Bagel Bob. Who will accompany it with cream cheese? Who will accompany it with cream cheese? Bob will, Bagel Bob. Who needs a ticket? Who’s looking for ONE? Bob is, Bagel Bob… Get your bagels, blueberry bagels, Stella Blue-berry bagels right here from Bagel Bob. Sell your tickets, sell them here, sell them now, sell them to Bagel Bob.”

  Business is slow. Bagel Bob is tired. Still a couple hours until the show. Hopefully Bob will have a ticket by then. It­—

  (Captain Carbs!)

  (Bagel Bob!)

  “Kristen and Bradley, most fervid greetings to you. Bob hasn’t seen you since Greensboro.”

  (We’ve been around. Touring. On tour. That second night Philly, hot! Ouch! When they pulled that ‘Attics of My Life’ I wigged. It was ki-ind. And the ‘To Lay Me Down,’ I called that didn’t I Brad?)

  (She called it Bob. Did you get in that night?)

  “No, Bagel Bob spent that night in the parking lot enjoying macrobiotic falafels and chemically enhanced watermelon with Tennessee Jed the Pasta Head.”

  (Is he the tall guy who wraps his beard around his neck?)

  “That is Jed.”

  (I like him. That beard reminds me of a barber pole. The way it circles around.)

  (Or a candy cane.)

  (And of course the next night, the ‘Dark Star’ night. Did you get in then?)

  “No, alas. Bob shared that evening with the Crystal Wizard and his canasta fetish.”

  (Brad got in but I didn’t. I couldn’t believe it, a Tuesday night and I couldn’t get a ticket. That’s the only show I’ve missed. I’ve seen six of the seven. Brad almost saw them all but he had a counterfeit Friday night Greensboro. Anyhow, I can’t believe that the one show I missed is the ‘Dark Star’ show.)

  “Bagel Bob understands. Indeed Bagel Bob harbors a suspicion that he will never see another ‘Dark Star.’”

  (Oh, don’t say that.)

  “Bob has seen his share. If it is fated then Bagel Bob is satisfied.”

  (No, Bob, never be satisfied. Satisfied equals complacent. Never be complacent. They want you to be complacent but don’t be.)

  “At present time you need not fear such a mental state on the part of Bob.”

  (Right on!)

  (Yeah! Right on, Bob!)

  “Bob is not convinced that this revelation merits laudation.”

  (So you gots?)

  “Bob does not.”

  (Neither do we yet but we’re looking. Our friend Cosmic Charlie must have some good karma going for him, he made a ground score a few minutes ago. Floor seat too. But we’re not giving up, we figure something’ll happen.)

  (Yeah, something will definitely happen. Hugs for the road, Bob?)

  “Have a good show you two.”

  (Right back at you, Robert.)

  Bagel Bob enjoys the company of Kristen and Brad. They remind Bob of the company he shared in days long past. Now, alas, the wheel has turned. Too many people without the right spirit. Bagel Bob accepts them but he worries about them, he worries for them.

  Bagel Bob worries.

  STEVEN

  This is the day. A red letter day. A Grateful red letter day. My first show. I knew it would happen. I knew it would be here. I knew I would be here, even if here is still an hour away from here.

  But hey, I’m cool about it. At least that’s what everyone else must think. If they can think. They’re all stoned. We’re all stoned. So no one’s all that interested in checking out my head.

  And that head of mine is pumped and ready. I’ve practically lived with these guys for three years now… Wait, by these guys do I mean these guys the Grateful Dead or these guys in the car?… No, I mean the Dead. Well, it doesn’t matter. Both. Willington Prep has the greatest Head per student ratio of any school on the East Coast and that’s saying a lot.

  I’ve been listening to the Dead ever since my freshman year. But I never made it to a show. I had to work my way into it. Nobody offered me a ticket back then. I was just starting to get into the scene—no actually I was starting to listen to the music, which is not the same as being into the scene. Besides, even if someone had a ticket it always went to a junior or a senior. Who wants to waste a ticket on a freshman? Anyhow, I probably wasn’t ready for it back then. I mean I knew some of the music, the studio stuff, but I didn’t appreciate the real stuff, the live stuff yet.

  I was offered a ticket to one of the spring shows at the Civic Center last year but I couldn’t handle it. It came too late and there was no way I could get out of school on that kind of notice. Okay, I didn’t think I could, I probably could have. I could have made up an excuse or had someone call in and say they were my aunt or something but I don’t know, maybe I didn’t have the nerve to do it… Wait, by nerve to do it, do I mean the nerve to get out of school or the nerve to go to a show? I don’t remember. Shit, I must be stoned…

  Wait, what was I thinking about? Oh yeah, yeah…wait, no… Oh, yeah, yeah, nerve. No, back then I didn’t have the nerve. The nerve to try to do it and the nerve to go to a show.

  But that’s behind me now. I am a certified Head. On spring tour with a carload of Willington spring Tourheads.

  “This is gonna be cool, you guys.”

  Aaah, they’re all baked. Nate got that primo herb from his brother at Swathmore and zowie! Bake down city!

  And it can only get better. It’s so cool that spring tour is the same time as our break this year. So there are six or seven Willington carloads somewhere on this highway grooving towards the arena. Six or seven cars of Willington kids, most of them high on Nate’s herb getting psyched for the show.

  There’s this energy, I can feel it. We’re probably an hour away but I can already hear the call and sense the music.

  My first show.

  They say that going to your first show is a lot like having sex for the first time. The thing is, who knows, maybe it’s better. And besides, this tour could have some action on that other front too. Crashing at Emily’s beach house after the show is gonna be out of hand. Shannon, Meg, Beth, Debbie and Steph, they’re all gonna be there.

  And who knows what’ll happen. That’s the thing about the Dead, you never can tell.

  ROBIN

  “Here tickie, tickie, tickie. Here tickie, tickie, tickie.”

  (Who’s got my ticket? Who’s got my ticket?)

  “Tickie-tickie. Tickie-tickie.”

  (Who’s got my ticket? Who’s got my ticket to the show?)

  “Here tickie, tickie, tickie. Here tickie, tickie, tickie.”

  (Someone’s got it, someone’s got it.)

  “Here tickie. Here tickie, tickie, tickie.”

  (Someone’s got my ticket to the show.)

  “Here tickie, tickie, tickie. Here tickie, tickie, tickie.”
>
  (Who is unintentionally separating me from my ticket? Who is responsible for this tragedy? Please reunite us. Please sell me my ticket.)

  “Tickie-tickie, tickie-tickie.”

  (We’re star-crossed, my ticket and me. We’re destined to be together. So please help us find each other.)

  “Here tickie-tickie. Here tickie tickie tickie.”

  (Please reunite me with my ticket. Let us harmonically converge outside the show so that I can harmonically converge with Bobby and Jerry inside.)

  “Tickie-tickie. Harmonically converge?”

  (I don’t know, it just came out. Come on, who’s got my ticket, who’s got my ticket?)

  “Here tickie. Here tickie, tickie, tickie, tickie, tickie.”

  TAPER TED

  (Okay, here’s one for you. Second sets that opened with ‘Morning Dew.’ Gimme three.)

  “Beauty question, beauty question. Although it’s easier than you think. They’ve opened the second set with a ‘Dew’ about ten times or so.”

  (That’s what it looks like here, I’m only asking for three. Get this right and once again you can prove to me that you’re a freak.)

  “I’m telling you, it’s easy.”

  (Rez, tell him to do it.)

  (Do it, dear.)

  “Okay, okay. Right off the bat, Pembroke Pines, Florida…October twenty-fifth, nineteen-eighty-five… I taped that show. Hey Rez, what was the name of that place?”

  (Wait, hold on, what’s this teamwork thing? Because you’re married you get to cheat? No way. If you’re married you shouldn’t cheat. Sacred vow and all. Okay, I’ll let you cheat. But big bro, if you’re gonna cheat don’t do it with your wife.)

  (The Sportatorium.)

  “Right, the Sportatorium.”

  (Sportatorium? Now that is one of the truly dumb names in all of arenadom. I mean why’d they name it that? No, no, wait, it’s flashing to me. After deep contemplation, I now strongly suspect they named it that because people play sports there. But then maybe the Grateful Dead shouldn’t have—)

  “And they opened the second set of a Greek show that same year with a ‘Dew.’”

  (They played in Greece? No wait, they sang in Greek? Wait, no, no, I guess that’s appropriate. Isn’t that a dead language? Ho-ho a Dead language, get it?)

  “Got it. Thinking about dumping it.”

  (Hey, they can’t all be gems, big bro.)

  “The Greek Theatre. UCal Berkeley. June fifteenth, eighty-five.”